FedEx, unreliability you can rely on

That FedEx is not always reliable seems predictable. It is a large company, operating in a blood-sport industry with people of which the majority is both overstrained and underpaid. Less predictable is that the company has no problems lying to its customers.

I was expecting a package today that would be delivered 'by end of day'. So, I stayed home all day to make sure I could take delivery. I did not go out, did not check the mail, did not do the laundry and had no other out-of-suite in-building activities, just to make sure I would not miss 'the moment'.

And then, lo-and-behold, I got a tracking update saying that delivery would be reattempted tomorrow because the customer was not available or the business was closed. That is a lie. Not merely an untruth, a downright lie.

I went to the office downstairs to ask whether or not FedEx had even been here. They assured me FedEx had not been seen. Extra funny is that FedEx also claims that a door tag has been left behind. FedEx did no such thing.

When I phoned their customer service, I got a computer program that did not understand very much and does not offer the option of talking about non-delivery, only mis-delivery. After several attempts, I was finally connected to an agent. Since FedEx records its phone conversations, so did I. The conversation was quite futile and useless, as these conversations almost invariably are.

What makes this incident remarkable, is that I cannot remember *ever* having experienced a FedEx delivery that went as it should. Coincidence? Unlikely, but not necessarily impossible.

However, FedEx's claim that they came here, found the customer unavailable and left a door tag is not a coincidence. It is an outright lie. That means this company doesn't have customers, it has prey, or victims. It doesn't even care enough about its image to create a semi-convincing white lie.

The situation is aggravated by the fact that this is not the first time I have the exact same experience of non-delivery, claim of attempted delivery and claim of leaving a message at the door. While repeated non-delivery could possibly still be a coincidence, the lies make FedEx look like a criminal organisation.

FedEx, helpful as never

I received an e-mail from FedEx this morning to announce delivery of a package. It contains a very interesting tip:

FedEx, in its ever-continuing search of 'Quality Assurance', 'Customer Care' and 'Enhancing the User Experience', does not disappoint: there is no "Preparing for Delivery" to be found anywhere. Hence, the helpful tips don't seem all that helpful. 

I can't help but wonder who the expertologist is who came up with this. Maybe this genius should be told that not all customers appreciate this type of entertainment of searching and hunting for well-hidden information.

Contacting FedEx customer service turned out to be a waste of time that provided no answer: the FedEx system insisted I am in India, even though I am in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

Their agent had to transfer me from the Indian customer service to the Canadian one, but did not reveal the location of these 'helpful tips'. The Canadian agent was equally unhelpful. I am guessing that these helpful tipes don't exist or that I am not interesting enough to be told.

Either way, I wasted my time and that is one thing I really do not need to do these days. I am not bored and also not in need of entertainment or 'busy-ness'.

Just to be sure, I looked on Google:

As a result, I am guessing these helpful tips don't exist. How unsurprising.

The Samsung Experience Store

That's the name of the Samsung store in Toronto's Eaton Centre. And what an experience it was.

The noise in the store was so terrible my Bose active noise cancelling headphones could not even remotely block it out. I am no marketing genius but I am alive and still breathing and therefore a buying customer. I ended up buying something I did not really want, because there seemed to be no other choice.

The largest microSD cards they had available were the 128 GB cards. One would think that a store providing 'The Samsung Experience' would have the entire range of memory cards in stock, except perhaps when sold out on a Sunday. Anything larger, I was told, has to be ordered online. In other words: they don't seem to be all that interested in my money.

I could certainly understand that large and bulky items that are sold only occasionally would not be in stock all the time, but memory cards take up less than the volume of typical postcards and cost a lot more, so it is rather strange that not stocking them is an actual company policy. One can't help but wonder: do these things have a 'best before' date Samsung doesn't talk about, or are they just vapourware?

I wanted to buy a card for my smaller - and older - tablet as well, but I didn't bother. All I could think of was to get away from there as fast as possible. It is not as if I am not used to noise. After living in the downtown core of Toronto for over 20 years, I am used to noise. But it was too terrible to bear.

The girl who served me had trouble understanding me, I had to yell. She had to yell as well, but that was partly to overcome my noise-cancelling headphones. I had tried taking them off, but couldn't stand the noise levels of what they call 'music'. I think starting plane engines - something I am quite familiar with after my years at the airport in Brussels - are more musical.

I went home dizzy and with ringing ears. Maybe The Samsung Experience store should change its name to what we used to say the defunct Belgian airline company name Sabena stood for: 'such a bad experience, never again'. I for one, shall want to receive a handsome payment before ever walking into that store again.

Let me spell it out once more: not selling the stuff you claim to make and causing deafness in your customers, is not a particularly smart marketing move.

The Samsung Experience, an experience not be forgotten and not to be repeated either. A true marketing blunder, in my opinion.